Drinking Medicine Alone
Q: I found myself really distracted by all the noises in the room. Can you drink this medicine alone and in silence?
Well, it’s like this: if you have your study then you will get down to work. But if you don’t know where your study is, then how will you know where to look?
It’s a tricky thing to advocate for anyone to sit on their own. For some people, I’d say it's fine. If they have their study, if they know where their work is, they are going to do what they need to do. It is not recreational. They are there because it is their path; it’s their work and study, their preparation, exploration, and spiritual maintenance.
I’d never outwardly advocate for people I do not know to sit on their own. As a general scope, that's terrible advice. I'd never do that to people. And if people want to do that despite advice, they do it at their own peril, and that's a karmic thing, and that's beyond somebody else giving it to them. And some people have beautiful, blessed karma and beautiful blessed movements in their spiritual life and in their sincerity and in their devotion; they have nothing to fear. Other people who are unchecked or exploring some uncharted waters because of curiosity or because of egocentrism can experience problems. But how would you ever know which court you're in and signed up for?
On the other hand, there are a lot of people buying things online; you know, there are plenty of Reddit accounts where people say they bought some ayahuasca, bought the plants, looked up how to mix them together, and just sat with it at home by themselves. Some people advocate for that. There’s a prominent figure in my homeland who wrote an article saying you don’t need any intermediary. You don’t need to go on a retreat in South America. You don’t need any music. You can just take the medicine yourself without any context.
Many cringe at the idea, but we have to also see the value in it. There is, in fact, a lot of truth to the idea. If you want to find a truth that’s unique to you, without outside influence, this can be a valid approach. Traditional ways of sitting always have forms of influence, and that is part of their magic. But if you don’t want to be influenced or are highly suggestible, then it is good to keep a discerning eye on what is being said and offered.
Now, with that being said, I must also warn and inform you that the astral is infinite. If you don’t know which direction you want to go or who you are in it, then you might get lost and have a really hard time figuring out which way to go, or know that there is a way at all. I have known many people who have come undone and had to spend some serious time integrating to make sense of the edges their mind was pushed over.
If you don’t know where you are, who you are, who your allies are, how to walk, how to talk, how to sing, how to listen, or how to discern—what game are you even playing? It can be dangerous to dive into deep, open waters without understanding the territory or having the right equipment and a professional diver with you. It can be just as perilous to enter the wilderness with no map, no water or food to sustain you, and without someone who knows how to handle the sometimes hostile terrain.
Many Westerners have this assumption that it is all about them and their experience, coming to get a kick or to see some colourful visions. We can be juvenile in our narcissism, lacking the awareness and respect to see that entering the wilderness means being in the presence—and at the mercy—of certain natural forces. We often fail to recognise that we are not alone in life and that our knowledge and movement must be undertaken with respect and acknowledgment of what is inside us and around us: who came before us, what comes after us, and how we meet and greet it all from where we are.
When it comes to drinking ayahuasca, some people can have a morally and ethically corrective and directional experience. Some people can have a physically difficult time, and some people can have a physically healing time. It is often both/and rather than either/or. When you sit in ceremony with groups that are influential, you go down a pathway that has been trodden. You’re in touch with forces and relationships that have been cultivated, with remedies that have worked, with songs that navigate, and with pathways that lead somewhere fruitful.
Sure, some people might not have any spiritual hiccups and have a great time drinking ayahuasca by themselves. But one might say that playing with fire means it is only a matter of time before you get burned, and then you will need to figure out how to deal with that. At that point, you’ll need to speak to the people who know and have been tending those fires.
All of this is to say that there’s a traditional and relational dynamic, a cultural aspect to ayahuasca, that cannot be ignored in the conversation. But there are people who would say otherwise, and I think that’s a really fascinating and worthwhile conversation. I have heard of guides who serve medicine in a very non-sectarian way and, apparently, they do a very good job. They don’t use icaros, arcanas, prayers, or hinos. They might use live sounds, but they don’t incorporate music with any connotation to any specific tradition. These facilitators want to take that influence out of it—to be really clear, to really meet the medicine without the overlay of some of those navigation systems that are traditional, cultural and spiritual in Mesoamerican, Mestizo, Neo-Shamanic, or religious frameworks for working with ayahuasca.
Is it a worthwhile approach? For some, sure it is. But somehow, some way, there is a path, and those who walk these ways do so because, perhaps, they know what it is like to be lost. They walk certain paths because they trust in them and have learned from those who have gone before them. These paths have been meticulously laid on the ground to lead you somewhere—in a good direction. There are certain foundational elements on these paths that are common in many people’s experiences as they walk them.
So, you don’t have to follow everything about one path, but you can respect the ground that’s been laid. Those who walked it before have discovered something meaningful, something that works, and they received that path in a way that holds significance. That’s the most important thing to learn from and take into account: respect and appreciation. Ultimately, on whichever path you walk, with a guide or without, you are in many ways still on your own.
Ayahuasca has deep spiritual lineages and lines that are full of wonder and teachings. We can go and join them and follow them without losing ourselves; we can enjoy their protection, their bounty, their wisdom, their healing. I love the metaphor I heard of A Barquinha from Brazil: if you need healing, you get on the boat. It can take you across the sea, but you don't have to stay on the boat. Some people stay on the boat in order to help others, and that's fine. But maybe it’s not a good idea to jump in the sea if you don't know how to swim, if you don't know anyone who knows the waves or the wind or if you've never seen a boat before. If you don't know how to navigate then I suggest not going it alone.
Another thing to bear in mind is that this work rarely happens in isolation, even if we are alone. It’s manifold. Even if you drink medicine by yourself, you’re influenced by your own things, the space, sounds and nature that surround you, the movements of day and night—everything—there's a relationality and aliveness to it all.
There's that classic study that I cite of giving people ayahuasca in a controlled lab environment, and measuring their brains. These individuals, compared with those who consumed ayahuasca in a ritual, communal setting, did not experience the same lasting benefits over time. The fact is, ayahuasca is usually done in community, relationally, in family, with others. Such experiences give us a diverse range of empathy and openness. We know we are not doing it alone, but having a shared experience to navigate together. To continue the boat metaphor, if you want to cross a big ocean, it's nice to have several people paddling the ship, several navigators for assistance along the way, and really strong rowers on board.
You don’t have to be bothered by the noises, by the movements, by the emotions in the room. You can let it come and go. Firmness is also about not being distracted or bothered. Sometimes, however, the distinction between ‘ours’ and ‘theirs’ dissolves, and we might find ourselves moved by the process of another. If someone is crying and it makes you sad, that is now yours and no longer theirs. It gives you an opportunity to discover your empathy and your compassion, and also to discover doors in you that you weren’t aware were closed before. In that sense, drinking together can bring up more than if we were alone.
Sure, drinking in isolation with nature can be very beautiful, but it can be a problem with Westerners who don’t want to be witnessed in a vulnerable place, people who separate themselves when things get tough. It's okay to feel embarrassed or vulnerable. It’s important to notice one's tendency to want to separate when things are tough, because it's hard to find help when one separates. We shouldn't be so naive as to think that because other people are around, we are necessarily distracted from finding out who we are, because who we are is always in relation to others.
In South America some people do not have the luxury to ask the question of doing it on their own. Drinking medicine is always in community, big groups—sometimes up to 300 people—and that creates a real camaraderie and a real humility. And I think that's really beautiful. It should empower the individual, but also empower the relationships of the individual. If somebody's just looking for healing in their own private time without recognising their relational aspects, that could be part of the problem.
Ultimately, the question is not just whether one can drink alone, but whether one understands the depth of what they are engaging with. True freedom on this path comes not from rejecting structure, but from understanding it deeply enough to walk wisely within or beyond it.
