Healing vs. Self-Improvement vs. Realisation

Some people come to ayahuasca looking for healing, and they may find it. Others come to see what it's all about, waiting for something to receive, like a vision or a message. Some people come to drink the sacrament looking for what it can do for them, bringing a list of demands and intentions, wanting to gain, wanting to achieve, wanting to improve.

Self-help and self-development operate under the premise that there's a “self” that needs improving or perfecting. They work within the paradigm of a subject-object split, aiming to make the subject better by acquiring skills, overcoming limitations, or achieving goals. While these pursuits have their value, they fundamentally reinforce the notion that you are a separate entity that needs to be "fixed" or "enhanced."

Let’s begin instead with the premise that there is no separate “self” to improve, fix, or perfect. What if, rather than striving to gain or achieve, we opened ourselves to the possibility of being—of recognising the inherent wholeness that is already present? 

Rather than improving the self, the focus is on seeing through the illusion of a separate self. The path is not about adding qualities to one’s personality but about stripping away the misunderstandings that cloud the natural openness and clarity of the mind.

In self-development, the journey is from an "imperfect self" to a "better self." In non-duality, the journey is from the "imagined self" to a recognition that what we call “self” is just a temporary configuration of elements in the vast expanse of awareness. It's a shift from self-centeredness to all-centeredness, from constriction to openness.

So while self-help and spiritual realisation may sometimes appear similar—both may involve ethical behaviour, mindfulness, or compassion—the underlying premises and ultimate goals are quite different. One aims to build a better self; the other aims to deconstruct and transcend the very notion of self. 

Some come to the ritual space with a list of intentions that they think will help them on their journey of self-development. At times, these intentions can seem more like demands for the medicine to fulfil. This is somewhat like a first date, where one partner shows up with a list of expectations and begins making assumptions about the other. It could get awkward.

Sometimes, the sacrament shows us the opposite of our demands in order to clarify our asking. Sometimes it is shy and doesn't engage with our strong demands during our intimate encounter. Occasionally, it disregards our demands and shows us something closer to what is more helpful, or more painful, but we must listen. 

Listening should be the first approach, remaining attentive, aware, and relaxed. Paying attention in a way that is streamlined and one-pointed. Aware in a way that we are receptive and pliant. And relaxing in a way that we are not tangled in our thoughts, but calm in our body.

Accordingly, one begins to work with the medicine. It takes two to tango, and if you're not willing to dance or to follow, then it's possible you'll get trampled. If you have awareness then, in the dance, you see eye-to-eye and don't step on each other's toes.

For me, and in many traditions, it is about coming to work, to be proactive in our meditation, to pray, practice, uplift, and evolve. It is to listen, learn, and evolve in our studies, but to study what? The nature of self-realisation, to come into communion not with concepts but their absence, where there is only presence. A presence that is synonymous with Truth. It is to practise the presence of God, and in that, the practice falls away, and we are just left with the latter. 

This is our school. 

This is our study.

The path of realisation begins with relaxing the tightness of identification. In doing so, we create the space to cultivate health, harmony, and humility on the path of love.